Good To Be Alive

Why yes- I am on hour 12 of my work day and totally fucking off right now because if I have to type "individual defendants" one more damn time...

It occurs to me that every trial that Bill went on that I went with him, we won. Every trial that Jack has taken me on, we've won. Yesterday, Jack did not take me to trial (he took the boy who is IN LAWSCHOOL and had never been in a courthouse before). And he LOST.

*glances at fabulous cleavage*

*glances at law clerk*

Yeah. That's what I thought.

Me and the girls, providing titillating defense verdicts since 2001.

So- I broke my ankle Monday. At my office. um OUCH!. I've never broken a bone before and I had NO IDEA it would hurt like it does. Also? apparently when you break a bone, it sends your body into shock. I almost threw up and I did pass out. Then came to, and calmly emailed all my bosses, told them what happened and went back to my job until my mom could come get me to take me to the ER. (and, not to toot my own horn, but I was back in the office the next morning, gimping around on crutches).

So far this has cost me $200, because I *have* insurance, but my deductible is SO HIGH, I may as well not have insurance. I pay everything out of pocket anyway.

So. Not the best week ever. Broke ankle. Broke bank account. And it is hotter than 8 bitches on a bitch boat.

*holds bobo out for flist to give kissies*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mousektear turns 28 today!!!!!!!!!! =D

Happy Birthday my dear friend. I hope and pray that this year brings you all the good fortune and extra vacation time you deserve. I wish you the very very best life has to offer. I miss you so much it is unreal!

More birthday lovies will follow via U. S. Mail.

*hugs*

Reading yon flists on LJ and IJ.  Two flisters quit their shitty jobs, one flister is trying to quit her more than shitty job.  I?  Am daydreaming about quitting my really-not-that-bad-comparatively-speaking job.  I hear unemployment is at 9.5.  Also?  we're like a snatch hair away from war with China.  <i>China</i>.  North Korea we can take, but Uncle Beijing?  I have my doubts...and what's Japan's position?  Time to dust off the subjugation boots?   Tawain is manufacturing fireworks that spell out "Confucius say payback is a bitch" for the occupation parade.

But, collapse of the east aside, shitty job prospects in the U.S., yes?  And Canada too, maybe?  What say you flisters?  Do you to just get a job or quit the one you have?  What is your dream job?

I still want to be a baker.  And not in the since of extreme cakes or crap like that.  I just want to be your friendly local supplier of cookies and apple turnovers. 

And Red?  How are things going with you?  Email me when you get a chance!

I'm done. Tetsuya...I'm just *done*. AC Complete made me squee so hard I think KNOW I broke something. Oh Reno. Oh Kadaj. And Tseng. And even Denzel. I feel my disdain for his plot filler-ness slowing ebbing away. But Sephiroth? We are so in. a. fight. because I love how your dominance got completey fuck-face turbo charged and it was plain as DAY that you were cutting Cloud's pants off and ignoring vital organs I'm not mentioning Zack because I am *done* with you, Tetsuya Nomura.

On an unrelated note, I have more money in my checking account than I should. And it is ALL I CAN DO to not go buy sisser a blue ray player. Just so we can watch this on her millionty-two inch screen. Also, I thought she might like Ewan on Blue Ray. Because guh. The difference. It is astounding.

Now. I am going to go cry like a little girl with a skint knee over the post-credit scenes in AC Complete.

(snagged from snarky_kat )

Three...

... things I can't sleep without
1. A fan running in the background.
2. Utter darkness
3. air conditioning

... items always in my purse/backpack/pockets
1. iPod
2. sunglasses
3. Ravenclaw student ID

... foods I love to snack on
1. anything sweet
2. beer
3. if it is sweet, I want to have it

... fandoms currently owning my soul
1. Sephiroth and any canon he is attached to

and that's pretty much it for Soul Owning Fandoms.  To round out the list, I'll include
2.  Black Lagoon
3.  Cowboy Bebop
(Vampire Knight, Gantz, Crooked Fingers/Okkervil River, Takeshi Kaneshiro)

... people I talk to every single day
1. Mr. Akahoshi
2. izzardwizzard 
3. Rokuro Okajima-Wynn

... websites always always open in my brower
1. Yahoo
2. LJ
3. I'm verreh limited on webbernets.

... books I've recently read
1. American Gods, Neil Gaiman
2. Black Swan Green, David Mitchell
3. Complete Collection of Carnacki the Ghostfinder (re-read this every year)

... TV shows I miss
1. Eureka
2. Farscape (before it got stupid)
3. Ghosthunters

Tagging anyone who wants to do this.

First the IRS wants to pick a fight with me over my 2007 tax return (thankfully it is over a small amount of money and they are cleary hell and gone from being right)

Second- my promotion at work?  I think is going to boil down to me working more and getting paid the same.  And trial that I MUST ATTEND (dun dun dun) starts two days before my anniversary.

But this case has over 75,000 documents, has already been to the supreme court and we have $10 million in exposure.  And I just got thrown into the deep end.

Stress much?

• We don't want certain ppl who have been pulled from the deployment roster to be deployed.
• We don't want Fun Boss to go on disability and/or retire (at the ripe age of 36).
• We don't want  trouble on Thursday with certain asshat professors.
• We don't want certain security clearances denied.
• We don't want debts and waistlines to keep expanding.

A lot of good people have a lot hanging in the balance and I so desperately DO WANT the positive results for all of you.  Prayers are good.  I'm praying for all of you, and if you do get deployed, too sick to work, turned down for that job, turned down for that job, hassled on Thursday, move into your new apartment and it turn out to be haunted, you can all come move in with me.  *smishes list into little loved bits*

UP:  Practiced with my .45 and a .38 over the weekend and most definitely did not suck.

DOWN:  The firing pin fell out of my .45 and now I have to send it back to Brazil (but UP:  it is under warranty).

UP:  The loaner I got in the meantime is a 50 year old S&W six shot .38 like they used to issue the FBI in the 40's and 50's.  Blue steel and wood worn smooth.  It fits in my hand much better than all the others I've tried.  (DOWN:  I just called to see if I could buy it, and it is the owner's baby and is not for sale).

DOWN:  Hair not getting done.  Diet not being stuck too.  Job not going away.  Impending birthday still impending.  And it is all downhill from here.

UP:  Manicurist today had gorgeous black hair, ultra hot anime voice actor voice and graceful hands.  I didn't even bother noticing his face.

Today's IF I WON THE LOTTERY would be: (standard pay all my bills and everyone else's)  (1) Buy a Cadillac, a Prius, and whateverthehell  vehicle I might want (2) Hire someone to finish remodelling my house (because frankly, this "do it yourself" bullshit it strictly for the poor) (3)  Buy my S&W (4)  Send certain deserving people to certain countries, and (5) pay a professional for a pedicure and highlights (because frankly, this "do it yourself" bullshit it strictly for the poor) 

I have such big, big dreams.

(1)  I'm against how....dramatically tobacco smoking is being villified in America.  Yeah, I get that it is bad for you, but so are twinkies, Star Bucks, old pizza, and alcohol.  Doesn't heart disease resulting from obesity kill more ppl than tobacco smoke?  So where are the UBER!dramatic heart string tearing commercials about ho-ho abuse?  It just kinda irks me how bandwagonish the anti-smoking campaign seems when just about everything we take into our bodies is toxic. 

(2)  On the other hand, Mississippi is still dicking around with a cigarette tax and THEY BETTER PASS IT, because if they don't, the price for renewing car tags will double.  So instead of paying about $300 for my car tag this year, I am going to have to pay $600.  Keenon will also have to pay $600.  We are also paying $400 in state income tax (over the $3000 we already paid).  How can Mississippi be the poorest state in the Union when they are robbing me blind?

(3)  Ventures Brothers = funniest funny of all the funnies.

(4)  Headachey head is achey.

(5)  Deadpool.  Deadpool.  Dead.  Pool.  Ryan Reynolds.

Topping our local news this morning:  cock fights, during the report of which the DA prosecuting the case when into great detail about them spurs they strap to them roosters what makes the fightin lethal.  Moving right a long, after our newscaster misread 2 pages of teleprompting (in which the community calendar of church socials and spring-fests is s-p-e-l-l-e-d o-u-t), before coming to a word she did not recognize and just abandoning the attempt all together-

cut to weather- I mean cut to commerical (they did both), so I was hearing the weatherman talk about the webcam at Junior College, no wait, that's the hospital, while watching a local car commercial that is so overwhelmed with grammatical errors, I thought it was a joke the first several times I saw it.

The next top news story was action at the state legislation where law makers continue a month long debate over whether to raise the cigarette tax to 55 cents or 69 cents.  The democratic party leader explained that the increase in the cigarette tax would help adults who choose to buy cigarettes illegally.  I am not fucking kidding, that's what he said.

They  wrapped  the broadcast with the birthday club, where everyone who has a birthday on today's date (and one lucky birthday winner gets a Western Sizzlin' gift certficate) is displayed in a slide show with some really awful synthesized zydeco music.  Only today, the two anchors talked over the music, apparently not realizing they were still mic'd, about what a talented banjo player Steve Martin is.

In other news, Springkink is about to get started, color me excited.  EXCEPT that the mods have already received a host of requests about whether RPS is allowed because (omg) people keep getting (omg) like eaten by bunnies (lolz) because Jared Padelecki and (omg) Jensen Whateverthefuckhislastnameis are like such BFF.

Can I write a fic where they BFF themselves down an empty elevator shaft?  Because I'm tired of their uninspired, bad hair, no chemistry having, pasty white boy asses hijack my flist.  *grr*  (xtine, my canadian goddess, you are the exception to all SPN rules.  If you want Jared and that other guy, I will write them for you.  Because you rock and we love you).

So I have this online acquaintance that I am actually rather fond of.  We have some omg.  FUNDAMENTAL differences, but in the wonderful world of interwebbarz and debate and fandom, differences don't make so much of a....difference. 

So anywho, we're not like *buddies* but I follow her journal and totally heart her.  And this morning I read her post containing not one BUT TWO really bad life changing Big Things.  And I got that gut sick feeling like it was happening to me you know?  And I really want to help and show moral support, but the nature of our acquaintance is a little to thin and these things are a little to massive for a "oh hun, hang in there."

So what do you do when you feel totally useless like that?  I mean things are about to get fuck hard for her and. 

This is a good time to remember that *I* cannot do anything for her, but God can do everything for her and He can guide her through this strife. 

This is just one of those *wow*.  Shit like this happens every day but still.  I'm totally having sympathy pains from the bitch slap life just handed this kid.

Someone objected to a document I drafted one time based on a typo within the document.  Their objection was on the grounds that the document was unintelligible.  Now- rule of thumb, the standard objection is "overly broad, unduly burdensome, vague and ambiguous"  (yes....vague AND ambiguous).  Objecting to a typo is just a dick move.

I totally just did it to someone else.  You know?  I've been answering these asshole's questions since LAST WEDNESDAY.  Day after day of answering questions (they're called "Interrogatories" because it is like being interrogated).  And I can totally see where some other poor desk jockey botched a cut and paste job and I totally know what they were trying to ask anyway, but I objected because the question is unintelligible (and all the other standard objections).  So its now a dick move on my part.  And this is why all attorneys are so morally bankrupt.  The paperwork makes us jerks.  Like the time the ass in the grocery store got charged the wrong price for oranges and he started spouting off about due process and false advertising to the poor cashier.  Fucking due process over 6 cents a pound for citrus.

Is it not a lamentable thing that the skin of an innocent lamb be made into parchment?  That parchment scribbled o'er should undo a man?

Well, it only took me four days but I got my taxes filed.  I got out of bed EARLY (7am) on Saturday and Sunday so I could tinker with my taxes.  And I enjoyed it.  Dear God what is WRONG with me.  And my job?  Don't even get me started.  It is 11:08 and I have already handled jeez....like 5 cases, witnessed one Will, and rescheduled some appointments.  And I was going to study for my CLE exam over my lunch break, but decided it would be more relaxing to just keep working (well I do hate studying just that fucking much).

Please to be reminding me how to relax and unwind?  Someone?  Yes?  Owning a house and being a grown up has caused me to have a personalityectomy.

But I did get a confirmation email that the IRS accepted my tax return.  My very first return done all by me onsies.  And it was the long form mind you, with all the itemized deductions.   o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/

oh-  and as a quick AKANOSHI RECOMMENDS!  Akahoshi recommends that you stay the hell away from Turbotax.  They are over simplified, confusing, and in some cases just WRONG.  (A) They want to tax you for your stimulus money in 2008 (either $600 or $1200).  WRONG.  THAT IS NOT TAXABLE INCOME.  (B) They tried to tax me for a 401(k) distribution, by a penalty tax of %10 for early withdrawl.  WRONG.  I paid the penalty at the distribution which was %20 off the top and they cannot double tax me for that.  Turbotax is also stupidly expensive.

AKAHOSHI RECOMMENDS you go to the IRS website and use the link to freefilefillableforms.com These are the same forms the IRS uses with all the same instructions PLUS a built in calculator.  You just fill in your numbers and hit a "Do the Math" button and it does it for you.  And you can file for free.  So Turbotax can SUCK IT.

This post was supposed to be about tattoos and movies.  SEE HOW I CANNOT RELAX ANYMORE?????

Self:  Just go ahead and take the Sudafed <i>now</i> because nostril leakage is annoying and I know you like to stave off that 'here but not really here' feeling until later in the day, but I promise you vodka shooters and pizza tonight.

Me:  K.  I'll do it.  Vodka shooters don't really go with pizza.  But that's more Crichton's line and he was talking about tequila.  I can't find my name on the server list.  *stares*  *stares*  *stares*

Self:  *whispers* look under L.

Me:  I'm about to start on another fic in the mansion series even though I haven't finished the first fic yet which makes me want to finish the first fic so I'll be writing two at a time, and I think if I am going to get bogged down, why not do British officer desert sands WITH Bear Grylls instead?

Self:  you can't find your name on the server.

Me:  But I am wearing my necklace of power.  I got it from a Canadian Vampire.  Tis my favorite.

Self:  Wednesdays are really hard for you...aren't they?

Me:  They muchly suck in their taunting middleness.  Dude.  Weekend?  Here boy!  Come on weekend.  That's my good boy!

Opposing Counsel is "letting" me set up five depositions.  Like stacking bubbles trying to get 5 witnesses and two parties, plus a court reporter, all from different locals in the state into one location at one time.  The Opposing Counsel bombarded me with emails yesterday "do it this way."  "Make sure you don't forget to do this."  "I'd rather it be done like this."  Meanwhile, HIS secretary is doing NOTHING.  Well, being the superparalegal that I am, I handled that shit.  I am now getting emails from the secretary trying to undo all my hard work from yesterday.  In my response to her, I refered her back to all the emails from HER BOSS.  She got snotty with me and was all "whatever, I am just trying to let you know."

I don't give a FLYING DAMN what you are trying to let me know.  I KNOW what the fuck I am doing.  And when you leave ALL the work up to me, it gets done MY WAY (as, you know, per your boss's instructions).

Then MY BOSS tries to chime in about how he thinks it ought to go down.  Um.  It's been handled, genius.  Here's a refund on your two cents.  (this being the same boss who has questioned me THREE times on medical issues and snorted unbelivingly when I gave him the correct answer...as if I had not logged *literally* 15,000 MORE hours of medical expertise than him).  (yeah, I totally took the time to calculate the hours I've worked in medical).

Then I am on the phone with co-counsel in another case.  She stops our discussion to find out where I grew up.  Louisiana, I answer.  To which she replies, OMG YOU ARE NOT FROM LOUISIANA!!!!  YOU TALK WAY TOO NICE TO BE FROM AROUND HERE AT ALL.  :|

Well.  I did go to college.  As my parents did before me.  I can, in fact, read on a professional level.  I'm glad you think I don't sound like a coon ass.

Now my boss WILL NOT leave me alone about "What's wrong?  Are you mad?  You're a little short with me."

STFU and GTFO.  I'm not being short.  I'm being civil even though you are working my last nerve.  There is a diference.  Learn it.

LJ has nothing shiney for me.

Work has muchly that is unshiney for me.

I forgot my diet coke money AND my coffee doctoring elixir.

I have to find time to go downtown and have my property taxes assessed.  *askerred*

I am about a **** hair away from opening closer looks and my ipod and just writing all damn day.

Poo.

It's 8:30 and I am already on my second drink of the day...and I am at work! 

All naughty holiday indulgence aside though,

Merry Christmas everyone!  I love you all and I wish you all the best the Season has to offer.

Cheers!

( Jesus is just all right with me )
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